
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/670257.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Adventure_World_(game)
  Relationship:
      Lila_Deverel/Aleyn_Harrowden
  Character:
      Lila_Deverel, Aleyn_Harrowden
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time, Dating, Attempted_Heterosexuality, Awkward_Sexual_Situations,
      Coitus_Interruptus, No_orgasms, Teenagers, Teen_Angst, Closeted
      Character, Friendship, Male-Female_Friendship, Relationship_Advice,
      Kissing, Hand_Jobs, Established_Relationship, Sisters
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-02-04 Words: 6369
****** It's Not You ******
by Nary
Summary
     One of the reasons she liked Aleyn was that he wasn't pushy or grabby
     or impatient like most boys their age. Still, Lila sometimes wished
     he would sweep her into his arms and embrace her more passionately.
     Maybe not here, though, where people were watching - including her
     mother, who was conveniently sweeping off the steps and keeping an
     eye out for her youngest daughter's return. Besides, Aleyn wasn't
     really the passionate type. At least, she thought, not yet, but maybe
     that would change tomorrow.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
"How long have you and Lila been going out?" Caulin asked, shifting his grip on
the half-rusted-out barrel. His aunt ran a scrap-yard and hauling junk around
for her was a quick (if not exactly easy) way to earn some extra money, always
a much-sought-after commodity for young people in Midway.
Aleyn shrugged, or tried to without dropping his end of the heavy piece of
metal. Miss Nettle had closed the shop for the day - some holiday of her faith
- leaving him at loose ends until Caulin had roped him into this job. "I guess
about eight months now, or a bit more." There hadn't been a precise starting
point - he and Lila Green had been friends since they were children, and had
continued to spend time together past the age when girls and boys tended to
separate into their own tribes, and then onwards into the years when they
tentatively started to mingle again. At some point after they turned seventeen,
people had just started to assume they were courting, including both of their
sets of parents. Everyone had seemed quite pleased with the situation, so when
Lila asked him point-blank if they were dating now, Aleyn had agreed shyly that
it seemed like they were.
"So have you fucked her yet?" Caulin's grin was salacious, eager for
information.
Aleyn shook his head, blushing even though he was trying not to. Maybe it would
just look like exertion from lifting metal around in the late afternoon sun.
"No, I, uh, we haven't... There's just never a chance to be alone." It was an
easy excuse to make - in truth there had probably been several opportunities,
if Aleyn had been willing to seize them. He was fairly sure Lila would say yes
if he tried anything, but so far he hadn't been able to muster up the courage
for much more than surreptitious kissing when no one else was around. Even that
felt strange, awkward, but he was sure it would get easier with time and
practice, once they were more used to each other, and if he could just stop
worrying about getting caught, or whether he was doing it right, or what Lila
was thinking...
"After eight months, though, you must be dying for it," laughed his friend.
Caulin laughed easily, his freckled cheeks rounding up to scrunch his green
eyes almost shut. These were things Aleyn noticed, and didn't think about.
"Yeah," he said, because it was the expected response. The thought of having
sex with Lila - with anyone, really - mostly just made him anxious, but he
didn't know how to explain that to Caulin, or any of his other male friends. He
wished he had an older brother or a cousin he could ask about these things,
someone who might give him sensible advice without laughing or slapping him on
the back. He wasn't quite desperate enough yet to ask his father, who would
surely be sensible, but also stern and a little bit terrifying. "I don't really
know what to do," he said at last, letting that simple statement stand in for
any number of inchoate worries and fears.
"Like how to get her alone? Or what to do with her when you finally get a
chance?" Caulin knew more about females than just about anyone in their circle
of friends - he had at least a half-dozen notches on his belt, and an easy,
carefree way about him that girls seemed to love.
"Yes," said Aleyn, grimacing as they heaved the old barrel on top of a pile of
scrap iron. "All of the above."
"Look," Caulin said, wiping off his forehead and sitting down for a moment in
the shade, "she really likes you. Anyone looking at the two of you together can
see that. And she's a clever girl. Let her know you're interested in more and I
bet you a copper she'll find a way to make it happen."
"Only a copper?" Aleyn sat down to join him, folding up long, skinny legs that,
by the way his cuffs no longer covered his bony ankles, were still growing.
"You don't have much confidence in my chances, I guess."
"No, I just don't have much money, stupid," Caulin laughed. "As for what you
actually do when you get down to it... I mean, you know how it all works,
right? Because if you're unclear on the mechanics, you can always go down to
the temple of Sehanine and ask them for a lesson..."
"Shut up," Aleyn said, looking away to hide his embarrassment. "I know the
basics." This was mostly true, at least in theory, although he was sure there
were details he was missing.
"Just do what comes naturally, and it'll be fine," Caulin reassured him, "as
long as she wants it too. And then afterwards, tell me everything," he added
with a smirk.
Aleyn laughed nervously, not sure why that thought made his face feel like it
was on fire. "Come on," he said, "we should get back to work if we want to get
done and paid before sunset. There's still a lot to move."
***
Lila dusted the shelves in her father's shop while it was quiet, polishing and
rearranging the tin spoons and mugs and lanterns. Her older sister Shaira sat
at the counter, reading the broadsheets, fanning herself, and keeping an eye on
the passers-by. "Don't forget to lift things and clean under them too," she
said idly. "No cutting corners."
"Obviously," Lila sighed. "You could help, you know."
"Someone has to sit here in case a customer comes in." Shaira looked up from
her paper, glancing out across the street. "Oh look, there's your boy getting
home."
"He's not a boy," Lila said sharply as she hurried to tap on the window and
wave to Aleyn. He looked tired and more than a little grimy, but he still
grinned to see her and waved back, making her heart flutter. "He's almost
eighteen."
Shaira chuckled. "Sounds like a boy to me." She was twenty, and consequently
much more sophisticated and mature than any teenager could hope to be. "He's a
nice enough boy, though. Are you going to see him later?"
"I hope so," Lila said, as casually as she could. "We'll probably go for a
stroll after dinner, like usual."
"Good idea," Shaira agreed. "It's too hot to sit inside - at least outside
there might be a breeze." She looked over at her sister more sharply. "Assuming
you actually spend those evening strolls walking, that is."
"Shaira!" Lila exclaimed, affronted.
She shrugged. "You're right, you're both much too young and innocent to get up
to anything more interesting..."
"We are not!" Lila blurted. "I mean, we haven't."
"Of course not," Shaira said carelessly. "I suppose you're planning to wait
until you're married, or at least betrothed. There's nothing wrong with that,
except that it's kind of a gamble - what if things don't work well in that
department, and then you're stuck together anyway? And it's boring too. Mother
would be thrilled, I'm sure."
Lila frowned. "I don't know... I mean... ugh, Shaira, where would you even go
if you wanted to do... something more? It's not like I can smuggle him into our
room at night!"
"No, you can't, especially because I'm not polite enough to put a pillow over
my head and ignore you." Shaira tapped her fingers on the counter. "I don't
have this problem, at least not anymore." Shaira was seeing Tavis Holbrook, who
had a flat of his own above the chandler's shop where he worked, and they were
close enough to engaged that her parents turned a blind eye if she sometimes
went over there by herself, unchaperoned. "But I don't imagine there's any
privacy to be found at the Harrowden's."
Lila laughed mirthlessly. "Even less than here, since there are more of them
packed into a house the same size. Aleyn shares a bedroom with two of his
younger brothers." Lila was the youngest in her family, and all of the others,
apart from Shaira, had already moved out.
Shaira nodded, considering. "Look, maybe one afternoon when Dad's working and
Mom is out at the market, I could cover for you in the shop."
"Would you really?" Lila's face lit up eagerly.
"For an hour," Shaira said sternly. "No more than that, especially if it's
busy. That's plenty of time, anyway. Probably you'll be done in half that."
Lila grinned. "You're the best, Shaira!"
"I know," she said, smiling fondly at her little sister. She hesitated for a
moment, as if wondering whether she needed to say anything more. "You’ll be
careful, right?"
Lila's face reddened. "Of course," she said defensively. "I'm not a little
kid."
Shaira laughed kindly. "No, I know, but I'd feel guilty if you got into
trouble. You know, there are plenty of ways to..." She cut off abruptly as the
bell rang and a customer came into the store, and Lila, half-relieved and half-
disappointed to miss out on whatever she was going to say, went back to
tidying.
***
After that, it was just a matter of coordinating things with Aleyn. Lila tried
dropping hints for a week or two, but he never seemed to pick up on them.
Finally she had to ask outright, while they were out on one of their evening
walks together. "Can you get out of work tomorrow afternoon? My parents will be
out and Shaira says she'll cover in the shop, so we'd have a chance to be
alone..." She squeezed his hand, smiling up at him hopefully.
"Huh? Oh. Uh, y-yeah," he stammered, smiling back. Lila thought it was kind of
cute when he got nervous. "I could ask Miss Nettle for the afternoon off. If
you want."
"Okay," she said, and they fell into an awkward silence. It felt like there
were important things they ought to talk about now, but neither of them really
knew what they were or how to address them.
At length, Aleyn cleared his throat. "We don't have to... you know, do it, if
you don't want... it's no rush..."
Lila shook her head hastily. "But I do want to, silly, or I wouldn't have
suggested it!"
"Right," Aleyn replied, blushing. "I wasn't sure if you meant that though, or
just... time alone for... I don't know, just kissing and stuff. That's okay
too."
"Anything you want is okay with me," she said, her cheeks turning rosy as well.
"But don't you want to find out what all the fuss is about?" she added,
teasing.
"I guess so," he agreed. He didn't sound as enthusiastic as Lila had hoped he
might, but she figured he was probably just nervous.
"It'll be okay," she reassured Aleyn. "It's just me, right? I'm not too scary,
I hope," she said playfully, drawing a little smile out of him. "We'll figure
things out together."
Aleyn nodded, clutching her hand more tightly. They were almost back to their
houses now, and the sun was setting. "I'll see you tomorrow, then, I guess," he
said, and bent down to kiss her politely on the cheek. One of the reasons she
liked Aleyn was that he wasn't pushy or grabby or impatient like most boys
their age. Still, she sometimes wished he would sweep her into his arms and
embrace her more passionately. Maybe not here, though, where people were
watching - including her mother, who was conveniently sweeping off the steps
and keeping an eye out for her youngest daughter's return. Besides, Aleyn
wasn't really the passionate type. At least, she thought, not yet, but maybe
that would change tomorrow. The idea made her blush again as they said their
farewells.
***
After her mother left for the market the next day after lunch, Lila tried to
busy herself with chores, but ended up peeking out the window every few minutes
to see if Aleyn was there yet, in between checking her hair in the glass and
trying futilely to push the stray wisps back behind her ears. Finally she saw
Aleyn rounding the corner, his tall, skinny frame easily spotted even from a
distance. She waved him to the back door, where nosy neighbours would be less
likely to see him coming in, and quickly ushered him inside once he arrived
there.
"Hi," he said, hands shoved in his pockets.
"Hi yourself," she smiled back, gently taking him by the arms and encouraging
him into a hug. "I hope it wasn't any trouble for you to get the time away from
work."
"Oh, no, it was fine," he replied, looking around the empty house as though
seeing it for the first time. "I said I would come in extra early tomorrow, and
Miss Nettle didn't really care, as long as everything gets done."
Lila nodded, heart pounding nervously through this everyday small-talk. "Do you
want a drink of water or anything, or just to go upstairs?" she asked,
inexplicably worried for a moment.
"Oh, uh, a drink of water would be nice, sure," he said. She fetched a cup for
him and he drank it - rather slowly, she thought impatiently - with muttered
thanks. When he had finished, he set the cup down and looked at her as if he
wasn't quite certain what to do next. "Do you want to... talk about, uh, it?"
She shrugged. "We probably should, I guess, but we don't have very much time,
since Shaira's expecting me back at the shop in an hour and my mother could
come home whenever."
Aleyn looked worried at that. "You said she was going to be out."
"She is out, she's at the market, like she usually is this time of day," Lila
explained as patiently as she could. "But I just mean, she might come back
earlier than I expected. Don't worry, if we hear her come in, you can climb out
the window or something."
"Oh," said Aleyn, biting his lip. "So I guess we should... get on with it?"
Lila nodded, taking a step closer to him, putting her arms around him, resting
her head against his chest. She could feel the tension in his arms, hear his
heart thundering. "Don't worry," she tried to reassure him, "it'll be okay.
I've wanted this for a long time, haven't you?"
"Yeah," Aleyn admitted, his voice muffled in her hair as he bent down. "I just
want everything to go okay. You'll... you'd tell me if I did something wrong,
something you didn't like, wouldn't you?"
"Of course," she told him, stretching up to kiss his lips. The kiss went on a
pleasantly long time, and she felt Aleyn relax the longer it continued. She
started steering him towards the stairs, leading him up to her bedroom between
more kisses. When they finally made it there, Lila felt her nervous excitement
building further. Aleyn had to duck his head to avoid hitting it on the beam
that crossed the room as she drew him over to the bed and sat down with him on
the thin mattress. "You've never done this before, right?" She was sure she
knew the answer, but she wanted to hear him say it.
"Never," Aleyn said. His hand, clasped tightly in hers, was damp with sweat.
"Me neither," she said, although he hadn't asked. "I'm glad I'm with you. I
feel safe."
"Me too," he said, smiling shyly. "I want to make you happy, Lila."
She reached up to brush his tousled hair back from his forehead. "I know you
do. And I want to make you happy too." Her hand followed a path down from his
cheek to his neck, feeling the lump in his throat make a nervous bob as he
swallowed, continuing downwards to his chest. "Please, Aleyn, kiss me?"
He nodded and leaned closer to press his lips to hers, curling long fingers
around the back of her neck, gently touching the soft, sweat-damp wisps that
had escaped from her ponytail. She reached up and untied the knot in the ribbon
that was holding her hair back, letting it fall loose around her face. Aleyn’s
fingers caught in it a little as he stroked it softly. “Sorry,” he muttered,
disentangling them.
“It’s okay,” she said, and reached for the buttons on his shirt, unfastening
them one at a time, hoping that he would get the idea and reciprocate. She slid
her hands against his chest, feeling the soft hair there, and looked up into
his big green eyes, melting for him just a little more. Aleyn fumbled with the
laces of her bodice, his hands clumsy as he tried to untie the knot. Lila took
pity and helped him with it, loosening the strings and pulling the top of her
dress open, exposing her shift. Growing impatient, she stood to let the outer
dress slide to the floor. Aleyn stared up at her, wide-eyed and a little
stunned, then shrugged his shirt off and stood as well. Lila wrapped her arms
around his neck, drawing him down to kiss her again. He responded more
enthusiastically, parting his lips so their tongues could explore one another.
She leaned into him, letting her small breasts press up against his bare chest,
and managed to tip them both off-balance so that they tumbled together onto her
narrow bed, which creaked alarmingly but thankfully didn't give way. Aleyn
grunted, the air knocked out of him, and Lila gave a little shriek that soon
dissolved into giggles. "I'm sorry," she told him when she caught her breath.
"I think I'll live," he said with a grin as he rubbed the back of his head
where he'd bumped it. "Here, um, maybe we can get more comfortable..." He
struggled to turn himself lengthwise on the bed, which was short enough that
his feet hung off the end once he was fully stretched out. Lila smiled at that
and curled up beside him - the bed's small size was an unexpected benefit,
since it meant they had to be pressed right up together. He wrapped one arm
around her, pulling her closer, and she rested her hand on his chest, stroking
it lightly, feeling each rib of his skinny frame. Gradually, she grew bolder,
tracing her fingers down to his stomach. The muscles there fluttered at her
touch, and Aleyn sucked in his breath, which made a tempting gap at the
waistband of his trousers. Lila shoved her hand down there before she could
think twice about it, curious and eager to explore further. Aleyn gasped,
grabbing for her wrist just as she made contact with the soft, warm flesh she
sought. "Careful with that!"
"Oh," she murmured, and tried to touch him more gently, grazing her fingertips
lightly against his dick, or what she could reach of it at least. "Like this?"
He nodded, releasing his grip on her arm. "Just... go slow."
Lila wanted to remind him they didn't have time for 'slow' - their hour was
probably half gone already - but she didn't want to make him uncomfortable
either. She stroked him more gingerly and felt a little surge of excitement and
pride when he stiffened further at her touch. She wondered momentarily whether
it was odd that he wasn't completely hard already - the hints and stories she'd
heard had led her to believe that men were usually ready to go as soon as you
so much as kissed them, if not before, but she didn't worry about it too much.
It was obvious he was nervous, but he was getting harder, she could tell that
much, and surely that was what mattered. "Is this good?" she asked him, seeking
some reassurance that the way she was touching him was all right.
Aleyn nodded, his eyes closed. She was close enough to see the sweat on his
forehead, the uneasy flutter of eyelashes as he squeezed them still more
tightly closed. "Here, let me help..." He unfastened his trousers, giving her
easier access and allowing him room to grow further the more she fondled him.
She was a little surprised at the still-increasing size of the member she held
in her hand, but she had nothing to compare it to, beyond a vague mental image
that was based more on rumours and jokes than anything real. She was beginning
to wonder how it could possibly fit inside her, though...
The thought made her squirm, excited and increasingly impatient. She thought
she might cry with frustration if they got this far and didn't finish what
they'd started. "Aleyn," she whispered, "please, I want it so much..."
His eyes flicked open and he turned his head to look at her uncertainly. "You
want to do it now? Already?"
Lila nodded. "We don't have much time left, and I don't know when we'll get
another chance, and I just... I don't want to wait any longer..."
"Oh. Okay." Aleyn rolled onto his side, as if trying to figure out where she
wanted him to be.
Hitching up her shift until it was bunched around her waist, Lila helped to
pull him on top of her. It wasn't graceful, but they got there eventually.
"Like this," she said, and spread her legs for him, feeling a thrill of
anticipation pass through her as his erection nudged shyly up against her
thigh.
Aleyn braced himself up on his elbow, looking down at her, his hair falling
forward into his face. She could tell he was stroking himself with the other
hand, but that was all right, she was sure it meant he wanted this too. "Here?"
he asked, trying to get himself lined up properly.
"Um... not quite, let me help," Lila said, shifting her hips until it felt like
he was where he was supposed to be. "Just there." Aleyn nodded and tried
pushing forwards, but it didn't seem to go right, he just sort of slithered
pointlessly up her slit instead of winding up inside her.
"Damn it," he muttered, blushing, and tried again. This time she felt a harder
pressure, sharp enough to make her grab tightly onto his shoulders. It hurt -
she had known that it would a little, but this was worse than she had expected,
a painful, tearing sensation. She couldn't stop herself from crying out, and he
stopped as soon as she did, pulling back far enough that the burning ache
diminished. "I'm sorry, Lila!"
She sniffled, holding onto him. "It's... it's okay," she managed after a
moment. "It just hurts a bit." She minimized the discomfort, not wanting to
worry him. "Try again?"
He did as she asked, pushing into her once more, probably no more than an inch
or two, but enough to make her gasp nevertheless. It still wasn't easy, but it
didn't hurt quite as much as the first try. "Is that better?" he asked, and she
kissed his cheek in response, so he moved a little further. By then she already
felt full to the point of discomfort, and had no idea how much more she still
had to take, or how she was going to endure it. Aleyn's arms were shaking a
little, whether from nerves or just from holding himself up to avoid crushing
her, and his eyes were shut tight again, and his breath was coming in quick,
ragged gasps that sounded more pained than anything else. Wasn't it supposed to
be easier than this? Wasn't it supposed to feel good?
Lila's hands moved in clumsy, uneven circles on the damp skin of his back and
she opened her lips to talk to him, try to get him to relax a little, when she
heard the door open downstairs and someone come inside. It could just have been
Shaira, but it could equally have been her mother coming home from the market,
or Father coming in from his workshop for some reason. She tensed up and saw
Aleyn wince, startled, as she pushed him off her. "Shh," she told him,
"someone's downstairs. Get dressed, quick." She disentangled herself from him
and retrieved her dress from the floor, tugging it on over her head and
standing to straighten her skirts. Fortunately for Aleyn, he still had most of
his clothes on, and managed to have his pants up and fastened, and his shirt
mostly buttoned by the time she was decent again. Struggling to pull her hair
back into a somewhat respectable ponytail, she jerked her chin impatiently in
the direction of the window.
He gave her a 'seriously?' look, but went over to it as she instructed and
opened it. He seemed more than a little stunned and Lila felt bad for kicking
him out so hastily, but there was nothing to be done about it - she could hear
humming from downstairs, which meant it was her mother, and she could hardly
walk downstairs with Aleyn and pretend like everything was normal. "I'm sorry,"
she mouthed to him, "see you tomorrow." She reached out to clutch his hand for
a moment before he made his furtive escape, shinning his way down the drainpipe
and dropping to the ground. After a last-minute check to make sure the laces on
her dress were tied, she straightened out the blankets on the bed and then
started off down the stairs at a run before forcing herself to calm to a walk
before her mother saw her.
***
Their evening walk the next day was postponed by rain, so it was two days
before they saw one another again. The conversation, usually comfortable, felt
stilted. Aleyn had no idea what to say, and it seemed Lila wasn't sure either.
They held hands as usual, until Lila dropped his grip to point at something and
didn't take it up again afterwards. Aleyn was sure he had done everything
wrong, and fell further and further into quiet gloom, shoving his hands into
his pockets instead, his shoulders slumping. He was surprised when, as they
were nearing the end of their usual route, Lila paused for a moment and looked
up at him. "When can we try it again?"
"You... actually want to?" Didn't it hurt? he wanted to ask, wasn't it
terrible?
Lila smiled shyly. "It's usually kind of bad the first time. At least, that's
what Shaira says. It takes practice to get better at it, like anything. And we
did get interrupted before we finished, so it's hardly fair to judge based on
that."
Aleyn swallowed. He had half been expecting her to give him an apologetic talk
about how things weren't working out - had braced himself for it, even felt,
strangely, a little relieved to think about that pressure being gone. For her
to ask to do it again was a surprise, to say the least. "I'm willing to try
again if you are," he said slowly.
"I think it might go better if we were less nervous about someone walking in on
us," she said, fiddling with a strand of fine brown hair that had escaped from
her ponytail. "You know the Raven's Nest at the south end of Crabtree Lane?"
"Yes..."
"Well, I hear they have decent rooms, and you can rent them by the hour," she
continued. "So I thought instead of going for a walk one evening, we could just
go there."
It sounded like she'd planned this all out, probably through whatever late-
night conversation she'd had with her sister. Aleyn nodded his uncertain
acceptance. "Uh, when?"
"What about tomorrow? I can tell my parents we're going to take a walk up the
hill and look at the fancy houses, that should give us plenty of time if we're
a bit later than usual getting back." She smiled up at him hopefully, and Aleyn
desperately wanted to avoid letting her down.
The next night they met as planned, but instead of walking up to Overlook, they
made straight for the Raven's Nest. It was busier than Aleyn had anticipated,
with people going in and out for a drink after work or a meal, but it was far
enough away from their immediate neighbourhood that he didn't spot anyone he
thought might recognize either of them. Lila looked a little unsure - the place
was sketchy, although not dangerously so, just a bit rougher than she'd likely
ever been in before. To Aleyn it seemed like it would be all right, and he
tried to reassure her by squeezing her with an arm around her shoulder. "Come
on," he told her, and they headed up to the bar.
The old woman behind the bar barely glanced at them as they managed to stammer
out their request for a room for an hour. "One silver. First one on the left's
open. Voran'll knock when the hour's up. You strip the sheets off when you're
done and leave 'em in the basket by the door." Handing them a key, she jerked
her chin in the direction of the staircase. She sounded bored - she probably
said the same thing dozens of times a day. Aleyn handed her the hard-earned
silver and took the key, trying to act casual. Lila walked - well, almost ran -
ahead of him up the stairs, turning to the left and opening the door.
The room was plain, but at least it seemed (and smelled) clean. Aleyn wondered
if that was because they were there early - it might not have been so
presentable at four in the morning, he thought with a faint shudder. It had a
bed, a small table with a washbasin, and a tall cabinet that he guessed might
contain towels and sheets and the like. He locked the door behind them with a
solid latch, which was somewhat reassuring.
"I guess we should just... get undressed," Lila said, glancing over at him.
"All the way this time?"
"Okay," Aleyn said, his palms already sweating with nerves. Lila had started
removing her dress, so he began to unbutton his shirt. It was a bit less
awkward than trying to undress each other, as they had last time, but it also
felt more businesslike, less like his romantic visions. Then again, his
romantic visions weren't usually like this in several different ways, and it
was better not to think about that now, because Lila was tugging her shift off,
leaving her naked. He hadn't seen her fully naked, at least not since they were
little kids together, and he couldn't help taking a long, curious look. Her
breasts were small but softly rounded, her body slim and delicate, and she was
blushing but not trying to hide herself from his gaze. He knew he ought to feel
something more than he did, looking at her, but the sight mostly just made him
nervous and a little queasy. He looked away, concentrating on slowly getting
his shoes and socks and trousers off instead. He heard Lila climb onto the bed,
and he knew he couldn't stall any longer. He stood to slip off his drawers - he
wasn't hard at all, and surely she would notice, ask him why...
But she didn't, at least not yet, only beckoned for him to come join her in the
bed. It was comfortably large enough for the two of them, and she nestled up
against him as soon as he was under the blankets with her. "Can I touch you
again?" she asked shyly, her hand resting lightly on his stomach.
Aleyn nodded, feeling her curl her fingers around him and start to try and
rouse his interest. He shut his eyes, but that was worse in a way, because then
his mind tried to feed him other images, ones he wasn't sure he understood or
wanted to see. It did make him stiffen a little, but at the cost of a guilty
feeling in the pit of his stomach. Lila seemed encouraged, though, and kept
going, gripping his cock more tightly. Aleyn tried to force himself to look at
her, to feel the excitement and desire he knew she was feeling. He could trick
himself a little, let her passion carry them both along, and maybe if he
pretended well enough it would become real for him as well. He kissed her
desperately and she gasped, surprised, but responded eagerly.
With a bit more of that, and Lila's hand continuing to stroke his dick, he
managed to get hard enough that he thought maybe he could try - not quite rock-
solid, but good enough. But Lila was drawing his hand between her legs,
encouraging him to touch her in return. "I talked to my sister," she murmured
shyly, "and she said to do this first, so it would hurt less..."
He had no idea what 'this' was, exactly - his conversations with Caulin on the
subject had not been especially illuminating, other than informing him that he
was supposed to 'get her ready' in some way. He tried some experimental
stroking and Lila squirmed and giggled, then took him by the wrist and moved
his hand to a slightly different spot. She felt sort of... warm and squishy,
odd and a bit unsettling. He didn't know what he had expected, really, but not
this. She was clearly enjoying where he was touching her now, though, so he
gritted his teeth and kept doing it, moving his fingers in little circles since
she seemed to like that best.
"I want it, please," she whispered, in between kissing his jaw, his throat.
Aleyn swallowed hard and nodded, unable to make himself answer her with words.
She gently drew him closer until he was stretched full length on top of her.
This time she helped to guide him in, and though she gasped and whimpered every
so often, he managed, slowly and painstakingly, to slide his entire length
inside her. It felt hot and close and not so bad. Aleyn took a few deep breaths
there, steadying himself, before trying to draw back and push into her a second
time. Lila gave a little shriek and buried her face in his shoulder, so he
stopped, unsure, but her legs came up to wrap around his hips and pull him back
inside.
Their coupling was still clumsy, but at least it seemed to be going better than
it had the last time. Aleyn was able to relax a little and even begin to enjoy
some of the sensations, and Lila seemed to be enjoying it too - at least, she
wasn't crying out in pain, but encouraging him instead. After a little while,
though, Aleyn felt his cock going soft again. He hadn't come, but he was
flagging nevertheless. The soft wetness of her body was pleasant, but still
somehow not enough to give him what he needed in order to finish. Unsettling
images filled his mind - freckled skin, rougher hands... He moaned unhappily
and tried a few more thrusts, but it was no good. He slid out of her and rolled
off to the side, facing away from her. He hadn't been able to do it right -
Lila would be disappointed, and she would surely know there was something wrong
with him...
"Aleyn?" she said tentatively, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's all right,
it was better this time."
Somehow her acceptance was worse than if she had been angry or upset with him.
It meant she would want to keep trying again and again, and Aleyn knew he
couldn't do that. "I'm sorry," he told her, his voice shaky as he tried to keep
from crying. "It's not your fault. It's me."
"What do you mean?" Lila tugged gently on his shoulder, making him turn over to
face her. "What's wrong? Didn't you think it went better?"
Aleyn shook his head. "It doesn't feel like it's supposed to, Lila. I don't
know why, because it's nothing wrong with you. You're wonderful, you're
beautiful... I should be able to do this for you, but it's not working
right..."
"Maybe we just need more practice," she suggested, but that thought made him
feel worse than ever.
"I can't," he told her miserably. "I can't give you what you want, and I can't
keep... keep disappointing you..."
Lila's brow furrowed and she lay back on the pillows, arms crossed, looking
thoughtful. "Is there something I could do differently that might help?"
"I don't think so," Aleyn said, shaking his head. "I don't think it's anything
to do with you." Except that you're not the right person for me, he thought but
couldn't say aloud. He didn't want to hurt her any more than he already was.
"All right," she said eventually.
Aleyn sat up, surprised. "All right?"
"I don't want you to be unhappy, and obviously this is making you unhappy. So
we'll stop."
His heart sank, and he felt a cold, creeping dread. "We'll stop seeing each
other?"
Lila smacked him on the arm, not too hard. "Don't be silly, Aleyn. We won't be
courting anymore, but we'll still see each other. I still like you, you still
like me, right?"
He nodded. "I like you. You're my friend, I don't want that to change. But...
will you be happy with that? I want you to be happy too, Lila, more than
anything."
"I'll be all right," she managed after a moment's pause. "It's not how I
imagined things turning out, but maybe it's for the best."
"I'm really sorry," he tried to tell her again, but she cut him off with a
quick kiss, then got up from the bed and started getting herself dressed again.
"Come on," she told him, "we should get going. I bet it's been almost an hour."
"Really? It didn't seem that long to me."
"Well, trust me, it felt like an hour," she said with a quick smile, and Aleyn
mustered a wavering smile back. "I'm glad I got to try it with you, anyway,"
she said more seriously.
"Me too," he was able to say sincerely, even though it meant he had learned
things about himself, things he wasn't at all ready to analyze or dwell on yet.
But if he was going to have his certainties challenged and the foundations of
his world shaken, at least it had been in the arms of a friend.
End Notes
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